To give you a brief, Netflix-worthy recap: Original, I know, but here it is: We had been enjoying drinks when the topic of my disability came up. I asked my gay and disabled friends what they thought of Trump. Why did I feel the need to explain my disability? It is a lot a bit of an insecurity, at when it comes to dating. Well, bye! The moment people see it, I fear they already have this image of what it looks like in their head.
Would you want to know if someone was disabled before meeting them? Share your thoughts in the comments… Get Queerty Daily Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of life dating disabilities stories and more 22 Comments throwslikeagirl Add that you have CP. You are what you are…if you feel limited by that then do not engage others in a 2 dimensional world such as hookup apps because this is NOT a dating app…it is a sex app ….
Your wit and good humor are what will carry the day. Your good looks are icing on the cake! A long time ago I was pursued on line by a guy when I was looking for a relationship.
When I finally got to meet him I asked him how I would recognize him? His response was he would likely be the only one there with only one arm. After months of conversations this was a fact he had never before mentioned. I considered being a no-show but I went and honestly I was more upset by his lack of honestly all that time than I was by his missing appendage. Keep telling them up front. I think Josh is addressing it in the right way, in a note after the initial contact.
The 1 Question they might have? Why not include something simple but up front like: I read the article as if there was a correct answer. Maybe using instant video conversation skype, etc. It may be a good compromise ; an option to test? By letting guys know upfront will weed out the really shallow guys. Being disabled either visible or not does not make a guy any less loveable, sweet, horny, etc.. Having said so, good luck to this man. Better to be honest than dishonest. Be prepared for the fact that sexual attractiveness is largely based on physical appeal.
If I were you, I would meet people in. The truth is sexier than anything you can invent. I too am gay and have a disability. Unfortunately the second someone mentions being disabled, certain assumptions are made. First, most people assume I am paraplegic and confined a wheelchair. A disability should not define anyone, I am disabled but I'm also a writer, a lover of books and art, a Sunday school teacher, a witty and funny guy, a person who takes too many meds to count, who deals with pain, but also someone who is forever the optimist and who is politically active and volunteers to help others, and the list goes on and on.
Yet, it seems it is the able bodied who are the ones who define the disability. If they can't see past the chair, then how will they even know what I'm about? Anyway, again, I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. I also appreciate your advice, but I can't really agree with much of it.
Which is fine, people don't need to agree on everything. However, you did make me realize one thing about myself that I had seemed to forget I don't have to give in or settle for just someone in order to be with someone. If they can't look past the chair then they are not for me. Again, I'm glad you found someone that you think might love you and I hope it works out for you.
If you find someone else in the same predicament, you're likely to bond over a mutual understanding and the need to enjoy the company of like minded people. It certainly would be nice to connect with others like myself, yet that seems to be tough to do as well. I suppose the community is much smaller where I am at. I appreciate you responding.
If you try and meet people online etc It's best to obtain friends for company as it will also expand your social circle and chance of meeting the right person. I do agree it's best to find friendships above all else. Friends are something that you typically can keep for life. Partnerships can easily fall apart-not always, but I mean look at the divorce rate as an example.
I have tried dating sites, and though I have met some success with them, they do create a type of artificiality to them that I just can't reconcile with. I've also noted the high expectations people seem to have. On one site the guy listed all the attributes he was looking for which included: These were just a few Sadly with gay men being so rare, it's not that uncommon for it to be super hard for gay men to find somebody long-term. I am not sure if rarity is the issue. I mean certainly, people find each other just by circumstance alone. Though, I also think you are right as well when you are a small portion of the population it can be tough to navigate those waters.
My relationship with the gay community has been strained - at the best of times. Very early on I found that meeting someone who was interested in a relationship was next to impossible. I was a lot younger then.
In the years since, I have not totally given up hope that I will meet someone special, but I have given up hope trying to meet someone. By this I mean that I don't go to bars, I don't spend countless hours chatting online or using dating programs like Tinder on my phone and since I am a mostly solitary person, it seems unlikely that someone's going to pop into my life.
The thing for me is that I am genuinely happy being alone most of the time. If it doesn't happen, if I don't meet someone, so be it.
I will not be unhappy. If I do meet someone who can look past my gut, hair loss and abrasive personality, then great! Meet people.
All sorts of people - not just gay men. You might meet some straight guy that has a gay friend. I see people on Reddit who worry about their femininity standing in their way or their height or that they're Asian. None of that matters to me in the least. Someone being in a wheelchair wouldn't matter either.
If I got to know someone and started to care for them so little else would matter yet because of the obsession with physical attributes that so many gay men have my chances of meeting someone remain remote because I'm not a model and I'm getting too old to be considered by anyone except the "I've already fucked 10, men and NOW I'm ready to settle down" guys.
I'm not in the same situation, but I understand your concerns. If you're ever in a specific major city in the Midwest, let me know and I'll buy you dinner.
I can't promise a relationship but you'd get a free dinner anyway! Also, on a side note, if someone put a beer on my head, I might seriously consider punching them. I think there is a part of me that is caught between a rock and a hard place in some of this. On one hand, I am okay with being alone, it's nice and quiet and I can do as I please.
On the other hand, it would be nice to have someone to share life with on a more intimate level and no, I don't mean sex. I think I get hung up on the physical attributes, not for myself but how gay people seem to be perceived.
I see these 'perfect' couples, and yet I'm like okay what is their relationship really based on? Are the only together because they compliment each other physically? But then I have to remind myself that on my end that is shallow thinking. I know I'm better than that when it comes to that stuff. I'm in the midwest as well, though there are plenty of major cities lol. I may take you up on that dinner. Honesty is tricky. While I refuse to compromise on that, I have found it can scare people off.
I think I come on too strong sometimes in an effort to weed out people who can't handle me.